I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
