don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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