You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
