Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
