I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
