pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
