Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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