That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
