My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize