oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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