I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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