i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize