They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
