What a fucking waste of an outfit
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
