why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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