mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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