I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
We need to get me chipped asap
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
