"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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