my vag is so smooth its legendary
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
