I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize