why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
