First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
