Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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