I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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