I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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