Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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