so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Randomize
