you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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