Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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