Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I am midnight drunk by noon
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
