Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
pop tarts are not kleenex
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
