So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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