if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
