K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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