she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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