Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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