Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
