i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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