So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
