I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
