I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
