We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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