And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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