you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
