I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
