I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
