Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
