Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize