we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
