they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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