Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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