There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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