thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize