Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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