It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
