I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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