That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
