I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
