Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
