dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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