The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
